Sherlark
by Amirexia
Summary: When Sherlock Holmes time travels to Tony Stark's lab, hilarious misadventures riddle their lives. MYSTERY OR SILLINESS? YOU CHOOSE!
1. Time Travel?

Sherlock Holmes stood in the alleyway, smoking his pipe.

_According to my memory, Mr. Watson should be driving to Brighton with Mrs. Watson at ten o'clock. _

He glanced at his watch, released his pipe and turned the knob on the watch. His pipe shook in his mouth as he squinted down at the tiny watch with cracked glass.

"Now why would a blind man be looking at his watch?" a familiar voice with a refined English accent stated next to him. Holmes started, then looked over his shoulder through his tinted roundglasses.

"Why, hello, Watson. You're late."

Watson looked at the disguised Sherlock with something akin to frown.

"What do you mean, I'm late, and how do you know my name?"

Holmes sighed. "Haven't I taught you better, if you don't know how someone knows your name, don't let on that that's your name!"

Watson frowned at the ground, looking very much like a confused puppy. "If I didn't know better I'd say that you-"

"Were Sherlock Holmes, yes, I know."

Watson squinted at Sherlock and ripped off his hat, scarf and glasses.

"Sh- Sherley? SHERLOCK!" Watson lunged forward and practically attacked Holmes with a hug.

"It's very rude to steal one's outerwear on a cold day such as this, especially after surviving a frigid fall as I did."

Watson recoiled, and had a look not unlike a pout. "Oh. Right, sorry. And, um, how _are _you after that... incident?" he said as he returned the scarf to Holmes' neck and the hat to his head. Holmes adjusted them while replying.

"Very well, thank you. Shoulder hurts quite a bit, and the cold water and weather doesn't help."

Watson quickly looked Holmes up and down. "Well, ah, why don't we go inside?" He grabbed him by the arm and led him in the coffee shop.

"And what has become of Mrs. Watson?"

"She has gone to visit relatives in America."

Holmes adjusted his jacket as he spoke to himself. "I would very much like to visit America someday. I wonder what the people are like..."

Watson ordered two hot coffees and some small breakfast pastries.

"Watson, do you think you could handle just one more mystery with me?"

Watson leaned forward and glared at Holmes.

"After all you put me through? Put my _wife_ through?"

Holmes shook his head. "I know, I know, I was just asking -"

"After the grief and pain I suffered?"

"Like I said-"

"The honeymoon I missed?"

"You don't-"

"The disgrace I became?"

"I was just -"

"The injuries I sustained?

"If you-"

"YES!"

"Well I'm very sorry to hear that," Holmes said, not realizing. "I had a very interesting case, and there's lots of- What?"

"I said yes."

"Oh, that's brilliant." The waiter set down the tray full of food before Holmes smiling face. "Let us get started then," Sherlock said. He got up and walked away, stopped, turned on his heel, grabbed the tray and walked out the door.

Watson gave a subdued grin. "Another thrilling case begins with the mastermind, Sherlock Holmes."

* * *

** A CENTURY LATER**

Tony Stark sat in his couch watching television on the top floor of Stark Tower. JARVIS called from hidden speakers. "Sir, you have an urgent call from Nick Fury."

Tony sighed. "I don't care, JARVIS, send it to voicemail."

"Sir, I'm afraid I'm being..." JARVIS' voice became distorted. "...overidddddennnn..." Tony frowned at the ceiling.

"Dang it, Fury. Do you know how much time it takes me to repair JARVIS when you do that?"

"If you would answer the phone, maybe that wouldn't happen," Fury's voice blared over the speakers.

Tony turned off the tv and threw the remote down next to him. He sighed.

"Whaddya want? I'm busy."

"Busy doing nothing." Tony pouted.

"The Tesseract is acting up. Again. We need you down here."

"But-"

"NOW."

"Fine, fine, I'm coming."

* * *

"Watson, c'mere."

John Watson trotted over to Holmes, who was bending over a small blue speck. "I've looked at it under the magni-glass, and it's in the shape of a cube. I'll call it the Tesseract." Watson glanced at Holmes, asking silently for an explanation. Holmes sighed. "A tesseract is a cube, Watson."

Watson bobbed his head up and down slowly, an 'I-knew-that,' look crossing his face. It almost instantly changed to a puzzled look.

"What does this have to do with the mystery you promised me?"

Holmes got the look on his face that Watson had defined as giddy. "The scientist we rescued this from-"

"Took."

"Borrowed."

"Stole."

"Fine, stole. The scientist we stole this from claimed that it had time-travel capabilities when combined with something or some nonsense like that. He never would say what it had to be combined with, though." He leaned forward. "And I've figured it out." He jumped off the table he was sitting on and focused his steel grey eyes on the glowing dot. He grabbed a vial, shook the contents on a small probe, and grabbed Watson's arm. He gazed at his companion, a small grin on his face. "Let us test his theory, shall we?" He touched the probe to the Tesseract. A swirling blue light grew from from the speck, looking like a supernatural hurricane. The blue light washed over Holmes' and Watson's faces, before swallowing them.

* * *

Tony Stark stepped into the lab. "The party has arrived!" he said with his California style glasses perched atop his nose. Bruce Banner straightened from his hunched over position and turned. "Hey, Tony," he said, a subdued smile on his face. Tony walked over to him and slapped him on the back. "Miss me?" He didn't even wait for an answer as he strode over to Agent Barton, aka Hawkeye. "What's up, birdbrain?" Clint's eyebrow twitched downwards, but the corners of his lips curved ever-so-slightly upwards. Stark turned towards Agent Romanoff. "Well, don't you look nice today, Natasha?" He grinned. She had her arms crossed and genuinely glared at the billionaire. "Get serious, Mr. Stark. We could have some wacko like Loki coming through any minute." Tony's grin vanished. "Ouch," he muttered to himself. He turned and crossed his arms, then silently imitated the stiff agent. "Stark! Didn't think you would get here in time." Tony turned towards Steve Rogers. "I didn't think you'd get here at all!" Their attention was turned to the Tesseract as it sparked across the panel beneath it, frying it. "If I didn't know better, I say someone was going to pop out of it, like Loki did." Tony said. Suddenly a puff of smoke appeared and two strange looking men in top hats, trench coats, and green-tinted goggles stepped out of the smoke. "I was right, Watson! As usual." He sounded distinctly like Tony with an English accent.

Tony stepped up to the man and looked him up and down. "You stole my face," he muttered under his breath.

Natasha advanced cautiously.

"Who are you?"


	2. I DON'T BLOODY KNOW!

**Greetings, one and all! The long awaited CHAPTER TWO has arrived! I won't be updating as regularly, because I'm so busy with highschool. Gah! Being a freshie is hard. I'm also juggling my other FanFic, _Shadow Spider, _plus a script, and a movie... so enjoy this! **

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

**The more you review, the faster I write. **

**MISADVENTURE IDEAS!**

**They're needed if this is to continue. Please keep it clean!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

When Watson and Holmes caught sight of the red-head aiming a gun at them, they put their hands in the air at the same time.

"I wouldn't do that, Sherley, she'll probably shoot you..." Holmes was reaching for one of her hands to kiss it. He jerked back.

"You're probably correct."

Watson looked around the room, sever confusion on his face. "Sherley," he said, not unlike a child, "Where _are_ we?" Holmes tilted his head to side while keeping his eyes on the gun in front of him. "From my observations," he said almost without moving his lips, "We are sometime in the future where..." He caught sight of Tony who was staring at him like he was a talking duck. He blinked at Tony, eyes wider than normal. "...where..." He stumbled over his words, something rare for him. "Tony, this isn't funny. Dressing up in a trench coat and faking an accent won't..." She looked over at Tony. He put his hands in the air too. She turned back to Holmes. "Who are you?" The woman with the gun asked again. Holmes decided to sweet-talk it. It almost always worked with women, though he'd never seen a woman dressed so strangely. "My dear lady, I am-"

"Stop trying to butter me up. I am a professional U.S. government agent and it doesn't work on me."

"Sherley, what's a 'U.S. government agent'?"

"I don't bloody _know_, Watson!" he retorted, clearly irritated. Watson huffed and stepped forward slightly.

"Madam, I am Doctor John Watson, and this is my counterpart, Sherlock Holmes." He swept off his hat in a graceful bow. Another man stepped forward, speaking softly. "Wait, are you _the _Watson and Holmes? Like, like Arthur Conan Doyle's Watson and Holmes? Like in the book?"

Watson's brow furrowed while Holmes grinned. "Did you hear, Watson, there's a book about us! We're -"

"YES, Holmes, I'm not deaf. There -" Watson saw Tony and gaped. He looked from Tony to Holmes. He blinked rapidly, then his eyes rolled back in his head, seeming to lead his fall. He keeled over backwards, hitting the ground with a thud. Holmes looked upwards in annoyance. "Touchy, touchy." The soft-spoken man trotted over to Watson and reached to take his pulse, but Sherlock slapped his hand away. "Don't touch him!"

"Calm down. I'm a doctor."

"So is he."

"He _fainted_, I need to make sure he's okay!"

"He's fine! He's been through much worse than fainting."

The man stood up and faced Sherlock, but spoke to Tony. "Tony, your clone is aggravating me as much as you do."

The woman stepped forward again and laid a hand on the man shoulder. "Bruce, calm down. Everything's alright."

Holmes frowned curiously at the woman. She talked to him like he was a child. She look pointedly at Holmes. "Don't make him angry."

"And what would happen if I did?"

"You don't wanna know." Bruce said sheepishly. Tony stepped forward and stood in front of Sherlock, their noses almost touching. They were the exact same height, same metal grey eyes, same hair, even same stubble scatted across their chins. The only thing that differed was their attire and Tony's arc reactor. Tony looked Holmes up and down. "So I _do _have an evil twin."

Holmes frowned. "I am far from evil, as Watson can attest, and I am _not_ your twin."

Tony looked at him. His right shoulder was bound with white gauze turned red from the blood seeping from the wound. "You're in no position to challenge us, whoever you are." A new voice rang out. A man with blondish hair, a long-sleeve blue tee shirt and jeans pushed between a smaller man with a bow and arrow and a dark-colored man with an eye-patch. His eyes wandered from Tony's face, to Sherlock's face, to the wound on Sherlock's shoulder. "Stark, what..." Tony put his hands in the air, signaling he had absolutely no clue what was happened. Sherlock got a quirky look that Steve recognized as curiosity, fear, incredible intelligence and observation rolled in to one. "Tempus viator," Sherlock muttered to himself. He looked around the room, his brain picking at the strings of data that the body language, expressions, technology and weapons presented.

_That one in the blue shirt, he was born not too long after my last case, maybe 1922. Strong morals, battle knowledge considerable, formidable opponent. Will sacrifice himself for women and young children. The one with the bow. A modern Robin Hood by the looks of it, he could probably trim Watson's mustache with it. His weakness is the woman standing before me - his Maid Marion. The female red-head. Very agile, serious nature. Does not like to mess around. Too bad, she's quite pretty, but the demeanor takes away from it. I have a feeling she's in love with Robin Hood... The man with an eye-patch. Been through battle, has much stress on him. Obviously responsible for this motley group. Gets quite attached to his agents - can be used against him. The quiet one. Hidden conflict within, a master of science, likes to smash things. Anger is his downfall. And finally, this man is the technological genius of them all, has come to a realization of... of the fact that his hard work saved him? _

His eyes flickered to the arc reactor in Tony's chest.

_And by that I can conclude that he has the most severe weakness of them all._

"What did you say?"

Sherlock stated, yanked out of his trance by the voice of the man in front of him. Holmes looked deep into Tony's eyes.

"Tempus viator. Latin for 'time travel.'"

A groan and a muffled 'oomf' sounded to Holmes' right. The shy one helped Watson to his feet and Watson grabbed Sherlock's elbow to support himself.

"Sherley? What... what happened?"

"You lost the bet." Holmes said in total deadpan while extending his hand palm up and turning away, bored. Watson groaned and dug into his pocket, then slapped the money into Holmes' outstretched hand. Holmes wadded it with a curt "Thank you, my good man," and stuffed it in his breast pocket.

"Now. Down to business." The man with the eyepatch stepped forward.

"What happened?"

* * *

**FOUR AND A HALF HOURS LATER**

Holmes sat with his head in one hand, hair frayed with frustration, eyes wild with exasperation, spitting his words out through his thick accent and gritted teeth.

"For... the... twenty-nineth... time... YES... we... traveled... through...the bloody... TIME!"

"But how?" came the familiar response from Holmes' nearly giddy look-alike. Holmes clenched his fists, then threw his hands in the air.

"I TOLD YOU! I DON'T BLOODY WELL KNOW!"

Watson was loving how exasperated Tony made Sherlock. Steve Rogers stood.

"Stark, that's enough." Tony looked up at Steve with an innocent face.

"Wha-at?" he lilted. The famous super soldier ignored him and put a hand on Holmes' shoulder.

"You've obviously tired. I'm _sure _Stark will prepare a room for you -" he glared pointedly at Tony, whose mouth worked up and down before he huffed in surrender, " - and another for Watson."

"Yes. Thank you, my good man."

"I can take you to Wal-Mart tomorrow and get you some _normal _clothes until we figure out how to get you back," Tony interjected. All heads turned towards him. He conjured the most angelic, benefactor-y, kind look he had.

It didn't work.

"Wal-Mart? What is Wal-Mart, pray tell?"

"It's a big ol' super store. They have _everything."_

With that, they retired, in a very perplexed state.

* * *

**Well? Whaddya think? Sorry for the really annoying cliffhanger. I had to cut it short - too busy! **

**Once again, if ya want more, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


	3. Just a Movie!

**AN: Hey guys! Long time no update. Merry Christmas! Now, I have absolutely NO ideas for the next chapter, and I know I have lotsa followers(this being my most successful story so far) so if you guys like this and want more of it, review with ideas, constructive criticisms, and most of all, misadventure ideas! Annnyways, enjoy! Review! Tell me if you love it, hate it, or whatever, I want to hear it!  
**

* * *

John Watson stepped up to Tony Stark. "If we are going to travel, I shall need a horse." Tony spread out his hand in the direction of the bright green Mustang parked on the curb.

"There's your horse."

"What is this... thing?" Watson inquired as he stared at the Mustang. Tony patted his shoulder nonchalantly. "That, my friend, is a 620 horsepower, state of the art, brand _spanking _new, Ford Boss 302 Mustang." Watson's lips parted and his eyes bugged as Tony walked away.

"Have fun."

Watson walked up to it and ran his hand along the fender as Holmes approached. "Come, Watson," he said with an eager grin as he sidestepped his awestruck companion to the passenger door, opening it. He stopped in the midst of his motion to get in. "Where's the steering wheel?" John asked. Holmes squinted at the opposite side, wrinkled his nose at it and quickly jogged around to the other side, muttering to himself about the oddities of Americans. He sat, wrapped his fingers around the wheel, and cocked an eyebrow at the yellow Camaro which was revving its engine loudly. As it pulled away, Holmes got a glimpse of Stark in the driver's seat, who raised his eyebrows and revved the engine once more.

_Want a challenge, do you? _

The Mustang roared to life, the rpms shooting high instantly, then settling back down. Watson started at the loud engine. His eyes flicked to Holmes', then he realized the mastermind's intentions.

"No. Absolutely naaaaaaaaaaa!"

His head slammed against the headrest and his hands shot to the edges of the seat, clutching them with white knuckles as smoke shot from the rear tires. The Mustang bolted from the dead stop and into the busy street in an instant, the rear bumper of the Camaro approaching fast. Holmes slammed on the brakes and the car stopped, giving the Camaro's license plate a light kiss. Holmes looked over at Watson's stiff figure while he waited for the light to turn.

"I want one."

Watson did not move his head but muttered in a deep, gravelly undertone. "I would loathe to be related to you."

The Camaro in front departed and Holmes squealed the green thing forward, not bothering with gears.

Tony slammed the Camaro in second and exited onto the freeway, cruising at a nice 72. A smirk grew on his face as he looked in his rear view mirror. The Mustang was nowhere in sight – far behind him. Out of the corner of his eye, Tony saw something pull up next to him. He did a double-take at Holmes' wide grin as the Mustang passed and switched lanes so he could not get in front. He cursed under his breath. "Beaten by a man lost in time, who woulda thought."

Holmes sauntered through the makeup section of Wal-Mart, hands in his pocket. Upon seeing a vial of bright blue eyeshadow, he picked it up and turned. "Watson, look at this little device." The detective and the doctor huddled together and opened it. "What does it do, I wonder?" Watson commented. Holmes stuck his finger into it, and it came out bluish. He glanced at a nearby 'Maybelline' poster, depicting color above the eyes. Holmes proceeded to wipe the stuff off on his eyelid, and spread his hands. "What do you think, Watson? Does this color suit me?" Almost instantly a loose bit fell into his eye. "Ah, ah, that's not... that hurts... ah, Watson, are you an eye doctor too? Ouch, ouch, get it out... agh!" Holmes stuck his fist into his eye and rubbed vigorously, succeeding only in getting _more_ in his eye. Watson facepalmed. He walked away, and one woman gave him a funny look. He thumbed in Holmes' direction.

"I don't know him."

After the woman had passed, he grabbed Holmes' arm and dragged him out of the makeup section, the mastermind still rubbing his eye.

They picked out some jeans, a couple of shirts with designs on them, and some other oddities that Sherlock found amusing, such as a motorized toy boat, oil, and a goldfish. They wandered about the store, looking at various items. Eventually, they stopped in front of the television display. Tony casually flirted with the blond cashier while Holmes watched the 52 inch tv slack-jawed. Mission Impossible 3 had just started on it, and the agent in the beginning had just been shot by the assassin. Holmes' eyes shot as wide as they could get. He tugged on Watson's arm.

"D-did you see that?!"

His head whipped around, taking in the unconcerned people with confusion.

"Why does no one care that he was just shot?"

Watson looked at Holmes from the corners of his eyes, almost spitting his words.

"I'm sure there must be some bloody explanation, Sherley. Calm down."

Holmes stared. "I will NOT calm down! In fact,"He dragged a chair over and vaulted up ontop of it and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"THAT MAN WAS JUST SHOT! DO YOU NOT CARE?!"

His voice echoed through the entire store, and everyone halted in their tracks and stared up at him.

"Sir...?" the blond cashier queried, looking up at him.

"Beg pardon, madam," He replied and leapt onto the counter housing the iPads, tablets, and expensive phones.

"HAVE THE MORALS OF THIS WORLD DIGRESSED TO THE POINT OF LACK OF GRIEF OVER DEATH?"

Tony covered his face with his hands and mumbled through them,

"Get down, you idiot!" Security was slowly stepping through the crowds towards him, and Holmes resumed his lecture.

"HAS PEACE BEEN TAKEN FOR GRANTED SO THAT ONE MAN MATTERS NOT? IF YOU SHALL NOT HELP HIM, I SHALL!"

With that, he launched himself head-first into the tv. It shattered and he was left half out of the tv, half in.

Tony repeatedly banged his head lightly on the counter. The cashier stared at Holmes, or rather, the backside of him, and then looked to Tony.

"You look..." She started, but Tony raised a hand and stopped her.

"Don't even go there. He stole my face. Nothing more."

She squinted one eye and looked upwards, as if looking for an explanation on the ceiling, sensing a bit of deja vu.

"He stole your face...?" Tony sighed with exasperation.

"Just... nevermind." Security jogged over and pulled the groaning Holmes out of the tv.

"Sir, that was just a movie."

"A what?"

"A movie. Mission Impossible 3."

Holmes attempted to scratch his head, thoroughly confused.

"I do not understand your terminology. What is a 'move-y'?" Watson slowly sidestepped away from the dazed Holmes, hoping to avoid his gaze, but in vain. Holmes leaned around the security officer.

"Watson! Where do you think you're going? Watson!" Watson wrinkled his nose in disappointment and stepped back over, grabbed Holmes by the elbow, and hoisted him to his feet. A small shower of glass shards rained down from Holmes' coat. Watson looked at the officer through his ice blue eyes apologetically.

"I'm sorry. My brother here has a mental disorder." He glared and Holmes as he spoke.

"And we will be going now." Holmes bored his steel grey eyes into Watson as he was led away.

"So I'm your brother now, eh? I thought you would loathe to be related to me."

"I _am_ loathing it."

"Oh."

Tony followed close behind, but far enough away as to not be thought of as with the duo. A slip of paper was pushed up him and he took it, signed it, and handed in back to the owner with a forced smile. He retrieved the basket with their items inside and entered the checkout line. Holmes and Watson followed, but he swatted at them.

"No, no, no just, just go away! Go to your car or solve a mystery or whatever it is you do."

Watson nodded vigorously and pushed Holmes towards the exit, muttering, "Sometimes, Sherlock, I wonder why I put up with you." Tony chuckled slightly as he finished checking out and exited as well. They drove back to the tower, parked, and entered the expansive lobby. Holmes grinned at Tony as they got on the elevator. "Well, that was fun." His expression darkened as he continued. "But you said they had everything. I wanted a new hat, but they didn't have any." Tony did a mental facepalm.

"That because, we don't WEAR top hats any more. They are OUT. OF. FASHION. As is jumping through tv's!"

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Holmes and Watson exited to their rooms, but before Watson got off, he looked back at Tony. "Now you see what I have to deal with." The doors slid shut and the elevator went to the top floor after the genius entered to passcode. He exited, walked a few doors down, and entered his private room – glass panels all around, super computers everywhere. Pepper walked over to him, wearing a red sweater and jeans. "How'd it go?" Tony groaned and tapped a few buttons on the nearby control pad.

"It went a little worse than when I took Cap to see his first Imax movie." Pepper's expression went sour.

"That bad, huh?"

* * *

Holmes grinned as he emerged, wearing a top hat, jeans, a loose 'Black Sabbath' tee shirt, overcoat, and looking like a total dork. (No offense, Holmes.) "I think it went quite well, wouldn't you say, Watson?"

Watson groaned.

* * *

**So, what'd ya think? I don't own Mustang (well, actually, I do own a Mustang, but I don't own the name.) Camaro (blech! I will NEVER own one of those!) Maybelline, or Mission Impossible 3, otherwise I'd be very rich. And as always, if ya love me or this story, REVIEW! COMMENT! IDEAS! Or, as Holmes says, Data! Data! Data!**


	4. JARVIS, Just Dance and Jests

**AN: Please read this! I know some of you REALLY want a mystery, and some just want silly. I need to know!**

**Hey guys. This update has taken FOREVAH! Sorry! Don't kill me! **

**Now, I have a poll for you. I require EVERYONE that reads this to take this poll. It's as simple as this: if you want me to do A, B or C just write it at the bottom of your review. Please, if you're taking the time to read this you can take two extra seconds from your life to make my entire day happy.**

**A) Get serious and have a mystery. I'm out of character and it'll go nowhere really fast if I don't.**

**B) Keep up the silliness. I read too many serious stories. I need comic relief.**

**C) Keep on with this story, but make a side-story that's a three-way-genius-off and mystery.**

**D) I've got another brilliant idea: _(write brilliant idea here)_**

**Anywho, enjoy this. **

**KEEP CALM and DISCOMBOBULATE.**

"You lazy, barrel-bottomed, salt-licking, self-obsessed IDIOT! GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"No! YOU get out of MY way! You're the one that keeps hitting me – see, there you go again. Stop it!"

"Well, it's only because you are HOGGING the ROAD! For heaven's sake man, MOVE! The speed limit is one hundred and twenty!"

"No, it's not. It's one hundred and five."

"Look at the sign. It's one hundred and twenty!"

"Are you BLIND?!"

"I'm wondering the same thing about you."

"Ugh. This is why I got married..."

"Wait, stop! What do you think you're doing?!"

"Going faster. You asked me to, didn't you?"

"You're pushing me off the road! Help! NO!"

"Heh. Heh. Heh... I win." Watson grinned at Holmes' kart plummeting off the cliff. Holmes pouted and mumbled something about hating cliffs and waterfalls under his breath.

Steve looked over at Tony. "Do something, Stark."

He wrinkled his nose. "Why? I'm having fun watching this."

Steve just glared, causing Tony to raise his hands in surrender. "All right, all right." He walked over and ejected the disc from the Wii, causing the screen to go black with white font asking to re-insert the disc.

"Hullo! What did you do?"

"We were having fun! Why'd you do that?"

Tony raised an eyebrow at Rogers and pulled out a different disc with a multi-colored(Or multi-coloured, as those British folk would say) zebra stripes on it.

"You have a deadly condition we call 'Mario Cart Fever.'" Both Holmes and Watson gasped, taking it hook, line and sinker.

"It can only be cured by..."

"JUST DANCE!" The TV spoke for him. Unintentionally, of course. Steve facepalmed.

"Pray tell. What is this... dance?"

"JUST dance. There's a 'just.'"

"But what is it?"

Tony grinned. "Allow me to demonstrate."

A new voice interrupted with a slight awkward tone. "Uh-oh. Whenever Tony's demonstrating, something blows up, and tends to make me angry."

Bruce Banner approached cautiously, looking for any traps of some sort to attempt to make him angry. Tony had done it before. "Hey! Big guy. Join the party!"

A sparkly blue light appeared directly in front of Watson. He threw himself back into the couch as far as he could, eyes wide on sight of the vortex of light. "Calm yourself, my good man!" Holmes said as he stared at it. It morphed into the shape of two humans, one in chains and the other holding a hammer. "Greetings, my friends!" Thor said with a wide grin as his facial features appeared. Watson looked like he was about to faint, and Holmes was slack-jawed, though he slapped it shut loudly when Steve looked his way. Tony slapped Thor on the back and spoke through a grit-toothed smile. "Hey, how ya doin', why's he here?" Thor looked at Tony very seriously. "He was restless in his cell."

"So you brought him here. How wonderful. Can I lock him up now?"

Thor scowled. "No."

"Right. So what are you going to do with him?"

Loki glared around him, wishing he could disappear. Being in his cell would have been better than to be here with the Avengers. His eyes met Holmes' and he stared a moment, then looked from Tony to Holmes several times. "Evil twin," Holmes said calmly. Loki's eyes widened and he attempted to step away.

_Kriffing bilgesnipe, there's two of them?!_

Holmes smiled angelically. "We shall let him sit in a chair." Thor dragged a chair over and motioned for his brother to sit. Loki did so and sighed. The sigh sounded more like a growl.

At that moment Clint Barton walked in. Eyes as keen as ever, he picked up on the 'Just Dance' screen instantly. "Another video game marathon, eh?" Natasha followed close behind, disgust evident in her face.

"Seriously. This is why you invited us over. To make fools of ourselves in front of everyone."

_thirty minutes later_

"SO, SO WHAT? I'M STILL A ROCKSTAR! I GOT MY ROCK MOVES! AND I DON'T NEEEEEED YOOOOOU!" Natasha belted out the words, her hair flying as she danced to the song. "AND GUESS WHAT? I'M HAVIN' MORE FUN! AND NOW THAT WE'RE DONE, I'M GONNA SHOOOOW YOOOOU TONIGHT-" Holmes matched her volume and performed the moves perfectly. They sung together the next three stanzas, grins plastered on their faces and sweat drenching their clothes. "I'M ALRIGHT! I'M JUST FINE! ANNNNND YOU'RE A TOOOOOOL, SO, SO WHAT?" Watson remained in the corner of the couch, stuck in a permanent facepalm. Sherlock had _insisted_ on dancing this song over and over, intrigued by the beat. It must be the seventeenth time, and every single Avenger had danced it with him. Twice. Natasha seemed to like it too, as she danced it every time they turned him down. The passion they put into it grew each time, and Holmes' favorite part –

"PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

-was that. Loki stared at the ceiling, begging every muscle in his body not to chunk the skillet through the TV and choke that INFERNAL evil twin with the chains.

"Again! Once more! Just once more!"

"You've said that ever since the second time. You are not-"

Thor tackled Holmes gently (well, it's Thor. It wasn't gentle.) and ripped the P1 remote from him and tossed it to Tony. Tony lunged for it, and before Holmes could rip himself away changed it. Loki sighed heavily in relief. Someone would have gotten hurt if he had to hear that one more time.

"Who's up?" Tony called and glanced around. "Tis my favorite," Thor answered and snatched a remote. A slight silence followed, as only Thor and Tony had done this before. "I'm in," Tony said. "Capsicle?" Steve shook his head. "Ah, no, sorry. Not doing it if Sherlock doesn't." Tony frowned perplexedly and turned again. "Watson, would you care to join in a dance?" He lilted his voice to the same accent that Holmes used. "Don't do that. That's just... that's just freaky," Clint said with a jaundice eye. Watson picked himself up off the couch. "Fine. As long as it's not ridiculous."

"Papa l'americano."

Loki groaned loudly and almost fell off his chair. Tony and Thor danced away, getting perfects on everything, but Watson just stared at the TV. Tony noticed and whacked his shoulder as he bopped past. "Move! Dance! Swing! Do something!"

"It's...not... it's not... IT'S NOT ENGLISH!"

Sherlock, now seated in Watson's former position, rolled his eyes and put a sarcastic bite into his words.

"Elementary, my dear Watson. Elementary."

Watson made a noise that sounded like he was gargling without water and began dancing.

Loki fell off his chair.

It looked so incredibly stupid – he wasn't even doing it right. But his mojo bar shot up past Thor's and Tony's within the minute. He peaked at five stars, arms flailing, feet flopping, head bobbing, and his mojo would have continued to rise if it could have. The song ended and Thor turned to him.

"How did you accomplish that? I have been beaten by none, not even the Man of Iron."

Watson shrugged. "Natural talent." Thor just stared, and the recipient of his gaze just patted his shoulder. "Sorry. If you don't have it, you don't have it." Tony half-snorted through his nose with an 'Ooooooh! Third. Degree. Burn!' look, and Clint burst out into a fit of uncontrollable giggling. Thor gave each of them a semi-hurt glare, which caused Tony's now red face to practically explode with laughter. This caused Clint to laugh harder, which caused Tony to laugh harder, which caused Natasha to laugh, which caused Steve to laugh, which caused Bruce to *begin* to giggle, which caused Loki to get one of those 'You I.D.I.O.T.S.' faces, which caused Clint to begin to laugh so hard he couldn't breathe. Thor's face never changed. On top of this Watson flopped down where he was sitting before, without looking. Holmes' bug-eyed face made Clint laugh so hard his legs were twitching. Tony's face and Clint's face had the same red hue as tears streamed down their faces. Tony doubled over and collapsed on his knees as Clint raised a weak finger and pointed from Holmes and Watson to Thor, but dropped it quickly. Watson scooted over quickly, thoroughly embarrassed. A group of manically laughing Avengers is enough to make the stoniest face break into a least a smile.

"What is so amusing?" Thor asked, completely unhappy with the situation. Tony was barely able to mouth 'You!' before falling down completely. "Stop! I'm laughing so hard I have cramps!" Clint said, grinning ear to ear. Bruce picked up the remote and pressed A several times until a quiet "Oh no." emerged. They glanced at the TV and their laughter stopped instantly.

_So What Versus We Speak No Americano Battle Mode_

Loki took one look and cracked up, his eyes squinted shut with what could be interpreted as a smile, since the muzzle prevented him from actually smiling. He made little noises something like laughing. Clint whipped out his bow and nocked an arrow. Loki's laughter stopped instantly.

"Can I kill him? Please?"

"No! Restrain yourself, archer!" Thor responded immediately. A confusion of yelling and utter confuzzlation ensued. (Yes, that's a word. Look it up in the dictionary of Amirexia. Yayness is also a word in it.)

Holmes and Watson exchanged glances and they mouthed 'One. Two. Three!' Then...

"DISCOMBOBULATE!"

Everyone stopped.

LATER THAT EVENING...

Holmes and Watson stepped into the foyer that separated their rooms. The Avengers had gone their separate ways, except for Rogers. He'd decided to bunk with Stark for a while. The evening was funny, yes, and they had good times, playing Slender, Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duel, WWII Aces(Steve liked that one.) and some other random games, but they were exhausted. And a little highstrung.

"Good evening, sirs," JARVIS said, politely.

Sherlock drew his gun out – no, whipped it out – and put six holes in poor JARVIS' speaker. Watson's hidden sword was...well... no longer hidden.

"Who's there?" Watson yelled.

"'Tis only I, JARVIS. Would you like a drink?"

"Wh - no! Where are you? Show yourself!"

"I'm afraid that's not possible –"

"Th-that makes no sense."

Holmes spoke to Watson. "He's indubitably invisible."

Watson squinted an eye. "Speak English, Sherley."

Holmes huffed and rolled his eyes.

JARVIS interjected. "I have no physical form like you. I am Mr. Stark's artificial intelligence, no more."

"Artificial intelligence? There is no such thing. There is either intelligence or stupidity."

There Holmes goes again, deducing.

"Artificial meaning man-made."

"Man-made intelligence... that would be _synthetic_ intelligence."

"I do not decide what I should be called. Mr. Stark does."

Holmes grumbled something about taking it up with Stark later. He was interrupted by a loud thud as Watson fainted.

Again.

**Well, there it is. I'm going to remind you, again:**

**A) Get serious and have a mystery. I'm out of character and it'll go nowhere really fast if I don't.**

**B) Keep up the silliness. I read too many serious stories. I need comic relief.**

**C) Keep on with this story, but make a side-story that's a three-way-genius-off and mystery.**

**D) I've got another brilliant idea: _(write brilliant idea here)_**

**The Poll Is Afoot.**

**REVIEW! COMMENT! CRITICISE! RAMBLE! SMAAAAAAASH! DISCOMBOBULATE! **


	5. Clones, Clones Everywhere

**Hullo, mateys! Upon POPULAR REQUEST, you guys want... drumroll...**

**Both.**

**Seriously, both?! In ONE STORY?! Gee, you guys want it all!**

**Well then. I will TRY. But knowing that I will fail with my own mystery, I am taking a mystery from Arthur Conan Doyle's ****_The Adventures and Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes _**** and sticking it into ****_Sherlark_****! Are you happy now?!**

**Also – I've been DYING to write a 'variousmovietimeportalthing' so this is THE FINAL SILLY CHAPTER LEADING INTO SILLISTERY! :D**

**KEEP CALM AND DISCOMBOBULATE!**

* * *

"I'm telling you, it's filiwatts."

"It's not! Look. It's _obviously_ carajules."

"Are you dyslexic? You're reading it backwards."

"Hey, who's more knowledgeable in chemicals, you or me? Me."

"Yeah, and look what that got you. The big green guy."

"Don't make me angry."

"Don't make _me_ angry!"

"It's ca-"

"You're both wrong. Obviously."

Tony and Bruce turned towards Sherlock Holmes. He sauntered over to the control board, tapped the gauge both of them were looking at and scribbled some notes. "It's the one without the gar - gara -"

"Garabytes?" Bruce suggested.

"Yes. That."

"No. It couldn't be that - too many variables." Tony countered.

"But it has to be," the other two said in unison. Tony did something between a smirk and a sneer - a snirk? Maybe I should just call it a Stark. Yeah, that's easier. Anyway, he Starked and scratched something off the calculation. "It's got too many 'if's. Do that, the whole thing could explode."

"Remind me why we're playing with a time travelling device capable of blowing up the whole planet?" Bruce asked curiously.

"Because I like blowing things up," the clones said together. They stared at each other. Tony took a step away. Steve and Watson stood at the doorway, looking amused.

"Well, if we try this..." Holmes mused as he picked up a small metal rod and advanced it upon the glowing Tesseract. "Sherley, I wouldn't -" Watson started.

"Don't," Bruce replied. "It'll -"

"Do it," Tony said. Holmes hesitated and Tony whacked his hand.

The rod made contact with the Tesseract.

Holmes stiffened, his eyes wide. A bright flash appeared - his skin grew hot and he crumpled to the floor. "Sherley!" Watson yelled and ran forward, but right as he tried to grab his shoulder, Sherlock disappeared. His body seemed to crumble, to blow away in the wind. There was a moment of stunned silence. Tony's jaw slackened. "I - I didn't know -"

"You - you killed him!" Steve said loudly.

"But I didn't -"

"Yes, you did! You pushed his hand! How could you?!" Watson yelled, now nose to nose with the genius.

"Look, the calculations -" Bruce tried to interject.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT THE BLOODY CALCULATIONS WERE! HE KILLED HIM!" Watson screamed. Then he whipped out his hidden cane sword.

Tony just managed to say, "Those are illegal," before Watson advanced.

"John, stop!" Steve said and stepped forward, stopping him with one hand easily. Tony backed up as Watson gave Steve the death glare. Then he whacked down on his arm. "Ow!" the supersoldier cried. It was minor - Watson hadn't wanted to hurt him, just get him out of the way. Then he stalked towards Tony. Suddenly, Tony felt a cutlass pressed into his hand. He stared at it, then jumped nine and a half inches when a casual voice sounded next to him.

"Ya might want this, mate. He looks rather angry."

Tony whipped his head towards the voice and raised the cutlass. "Who's there?"

" 'Ey! Ya not supposed to use it on me, savvy?"

Tony slashed.

"OW! Bugga, that was me injured arm. Already cut it once, you bilge rat. Gimme back!" A grimy hand swiped at the cutlass. Tony jerked away. By this time, Watson was five feet away. He paused curiously when he heard the voice. Tony slapped his hand into the darkness and felt cloth. He yanked it out and a dirty pirate fell backwards into the light. He squinched his eyes at the light, clutching the arm Tony had cut. The rest of the gathered group stared in disbelief.

"Where did you come from?" Steve asked.

"My ship, of course," the pirate said, looking rather dismayed that they didn't know. "The Black Pearl. I'm the captain, you know. You _have _heard of me, haven't you?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. No." Bruce said.

The pirate jerked back. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, mate!"

"Who?"

_"You don't know who I am?"_

"No."

"Where have you been, under a rock?"

"Yes, he has," Tony interjected.

"Would anyone like some tea?"

Everyone frowned and turned to the right. A very, very white person stepped out of the shadow, a weird hat with a ticket in it and a cup of tea among his belongings.

"He looks like Jack Sparrow," Watson noticed.

"_Captain._" Jack added before swaggering over to this white person. "By my beard, he does look like - Say, why are you all white?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why are you all..." The strange clone looked Jack up and down before saying, "...eh?"

"What's your name?" Steve asked.

"They call me the Mad Hatter. Though I'm really not mad at all! Now, would you like some tea?"

Yet another voice called, "Jack? What are you doing here?" With strong British features (accent included) a tan young man stepped out from the other side of the lab.

"William, my boy! So good of you to join us."

"I'm not the only one. Elizabeth -"

Two females, identical faces, stepped out behind him. "Yes?" they asked in unison. Will frowned. "Uhhhh... which one of you has a last name 'Swann?'"

"I do," said the one on the right.

"Is anyone else freaked out?" Tony asked.

"Yep," Bruce replied. Watson and Steve nodded.

"Well, if it isn't Jack Sparrow." said a distinguished voice. Cutler Beckett stepped out behind Elizabeth 2 and put a knife to her throat. Elizabeth 1 gasped and hugged Will. Watson's jaw dropped. Steve raised an eyebrow. Then the pastor, who looked just like Beckett, rushed out. "Wait, wait! I want to marry her!"

"Ick!" both of the Elizabeths said.

"Who...who are _you_?" Cutler asked.

"I am Collins."

Then another figure stepped out. "Everyone drop your weapons!" He looked like he was holding a bow. No, he was holding bow! He had long blonde hair, and pointy ears.

"No, you put yours down!" Clint cried from the far right corner, an arrow nocked.

"Uhhhh..." Jack moaned as he realized that the newest dude looked like Will.

Suddenly Tony's cutlass dropped to the floor. Then he realized his hand was disintegrating just like Holmes had. "Guys," he said. No one paid him mind - they were too busy paying attention to Will asking Legolas (that's who he said who he was) why his hair was blonde. The varied clones began asking each other questions and mingling. Tony's arm was gone now. He sunk to his knees with a grunt. "Hey," he said, louder. "Steve!" he almost yelled. Steve looked over, startled. "Tony!"

Then he disappeared.

* * *

"Congratulations, you found me." a familiar voice called.

"Ugnh, where am I?" Tony replied groggily. His head ached.

"As far as I know, we're stuck between dimensions. Clones from the past will mix with the present. Thanks to you." Sherlock stepped out.

Tony Starked.

* * *

**Well... there ya go. The plot thickens!**

**I don't own any of the characters from any of the movies I mentioned...**

**CHALLENGE!**

**I WILL GIVE A SHOUTOUT TO ANY AUTHOR WHO CAN NAME ALL CHARACTERS THAT I MENTIONED, AS WELL AS THEIR MOVIES!**

**Tata for now... as always, REVIEW! Don't forget the Shout-Out Competiton!**


	6. One Does Not Simply Escape an Anomaly

**Hello, hello, hello! My, it has been a while. I am so, so, so, so, sooooooo sorry! College classes and stuff. Eh.**

**Broadcasting to you live, at 2:20 in the morning, Amirexia is so sick she keeps herself awake by coughing! So she decides to be a heroic little author and get up and write you all a chapter since she can't sleep! Yay!**

**Anyways. The mystery starts here. Enjoy, and as always, review, favorite, and follow! But most importantly review, since most of you have already followed. **

* * *

"Bloody man. Bloody, bloody, BLOODY man!"

"Now look here, I didn't KNOW it would do that. At all."

"You caused this, nontheless! Do you know what we're trapped in? AN ANOMALY. One does not simply escape from an anomaly!"

_Wait. Did he just quote Boromir – or the meme – without ever having seen or read Lord of the Rings? _

"And one does not simply walk into Mordor!" Tony exclaimed, shoving his hands in his pockets and grinning like a schoolboy.

Sherlock Holmes paused, then leaned forward. "Walk into _where?_"

"Mordor."

"Why can you not walk in? Does it – float?" Sherlock asked, completely honestly.

Tony resisted the urge to repeatedly 'smite his forehead upon his palm,' to quote an earlier statement from the very confused Stark look alike. He settled upon rolling his eyes. "Never mind. Are you telling me there's no way out?"

"No. I'm telling you there's no possible way out."

"What's the diff – wait. So there _is _a way out."

"Yes, but it's-"

"Insanely difficult, most probably will not work, and completely crazy?"

"Well... yes, to put it lightly."

"Let's do it. Show me."

* * *

Steve dropped to his knees, hands outstretched to where the genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist had been a few seconds ago. He breathed heavily, and his arms dropped to his sides. His head bobbed up and down gently as Watson laid a hand on his shoulder. The babbling of the look alikes that scattered the room ceased as they witnessed the supersoldier crying silently for his lost friend. Watson shared his grief – but having lost his dear friend once already, only to be tricked, he wasn't so sure Sherlock was dead. "Wait – whoa, whoa, whoaaaa." Bruce murmured, taking his glasses off and peering at the screens. "We're getting huge energy readings coming from where you are, Cap. Or.. where Tony was." Watson turned to the doctor. "What sort of energy reading?"

"Too big to be a humanoid life-form. Either that, or a life-form getting zapped with lightni-"

Before he could finish his statement, a hammer appeared out of thin air and skidded across the ground. "Thor?" Clint asked from a few feet away.

"**HUARRRRRRRGH! DUNAUGTTRAUCHMAURARGUARRR, RAUGHFAUGHBAUST!**" a thunderous voice boomed. _Somehow _Steve managed to interpret this as 'do not touch me again, you foul beast." In **HUARGGGH**, he was not entirely fluent, but the more time he spent with the Asgardian, the more he knew. A bright flash of blue light, and another '**HUARGH**' came from the massive form on the floor.

(At this point, the clones were staring in confusion.)

"**WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THEM?**" Thor stepped out of the blue light and planted a foot on the other thing's chest. "I sent them to valhalla, where you cannot follow," the thing said. It's features were clear now – shriveled purple skin, glaring red eyes, and a huge body. It had claws almost like the talons of a bird, and its hair was not hair, but indeed feathers. If Watson looked closely, the mouth seemed to resemble a beak, and the facial features sort of streamline toward the nose and mouth, not unlike a bird's. One of the clones cried out, "Harpy!" and drew his sword.

_Harpy? Like Greek mythology?_

The thing cackled and spat a mouthful of blood. "You are powerless!"

Thor yelled in outrage. "**POWERFUL ENOUGH TO KILL YOU,**" he bellowed and brought Mjolnir down on said harpy's head. It moved no more.

"**I AM SORRY, MY FRIENDS, THAT I COULD NOT GET HERE FASTER. WHO ARE THESE STRANGE PEOPLE, AND WHERE IS THE MAN OF IRON?**"

(Yes. Yes, I can hear Thor bellowing in his Thor voice in your head right now. Approving author approves.)

"Thor... we don't know who they are. We don't know where Tony is. We have no clue what's happening. These people all have some sort of twin..." Steve went on to explain Sherlock and Watson's appearance, the entrance of the army of clones (No Star Wars here, people. Move along. Move along.) and Sherlock's supposed death slash disappearance and Tony's dissolvation.

Thor sat down and muttered something under his breath in Norwegian. Watson got a weird look on his face. "Did you just say smashing of dimensions in Norwegian?"

Bruce looked up from his work. "Huh, what, we're going to smash stuff in Norway?"

Thor ignored Bruce's comment."**Yes -knusende av dimensjoner – it is a myth of old. A dreaded plight of the universe and one that has always been greatly feared. There are an infinite number of dimensions, and if they all collide, then the universe – and every thing in it – will cease to exist.**"

"Oh."

Steve looked up at Bruce. "So Tony and Sherlock could still be alive." Bruce nodded. Steve's face became set in determination.

"We'll find them."

* * *

"HUARGH."

"Don't huargh-speak me! Aow – get your foot off my face! No! More to the left!"

"Can't – reach –"

"For the sake of – USE YOUR FEET! No, not in my face. NO FEET IN THE FACE."

"Almost... GOT IT!"

Tony backed away, leaving Holmes –what looked like- suspended in midair. In reality, there was a window to some dimension. Holmes would crawl halfway through, look around, and if it was safe he'd pull Stark up.

Sherlock swung himself up and peered through the portal. Only the back half of him was visible (which was pretty awkward) as he peered around. Suddenly he popped his head through. "Come quickly!" he lilted, motioning for Tony to climb. He managed to help him up and they teetered on the edge of the interdimensional foyer and the unknown world before them before unceremoniously falling into the dimension.

Smoke assaulted Tony's lungs. He hacked and held his shirt up over his mouth and nose and dodged a flaming, flying piece of debris. A loud racket was nearby – he was unsure of what it was, but it was loud, He had to shout over it. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS _SAFE,_" he yelled at Sherlock. "I NEVER SAID IT WAS! I JUST TOLD YOU TO CLIMB."

"YEAH, WELL, I CAN SEE THAT! WHAT DO WE - " Tony's sentence was interrupted by a whizzing noise, like something flying through the air very fast, the sickening thump of flesh being pierced, followed by a strangled cry.

"Anthony?" Sherlock called, panic rising in his throat, forcing his voice up a few notches."Tony!? TONY!"

* * *

**Ooh, evil cliffhanger is evil! Review, review, review. The more you review, the healthier I get, the more I update. REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Oh... one more thing. In your review (that I _know _you're going to post) tell me this:**

**Would you rather have appear? Loki, Justin Hammer, or Professor Moriarty? (Before he died, of course.) And I always love to hear your ideas, as I totally made this up on the fly and would rather have some sort of fore-thought. **

**REVIEW!**


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